Momentum by Sesa Woruban

(sequel to Momentary Insanity)

Author's Notes: *** indicates a shift in POV.

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It's 1500 hours on the I25 and she's been heading south since this morning. The landscape passes her on each side in a blur. Her mind is focused solely on the short stretch of road directly ahead. It glides under her bike, the lines and irregularities are almost hypnotic as they form a moving pattern. The fast lane is just for her. She's in a zone and she takes no prisoners. All she can hear is the sound of the bike's engine. Its powerful and constant throbbing drowns out everything except her own treacherous thoughts.

She can't tell which is stronger, the pull of the hills and open spaces of the Colorado grasslands or the push to escape the oppression of the mountain where she may have made the biggest mistake of her career.

And, probably the biggest gamble in her life.

Her mind had been so focused on the logistics of *how* she was going to do it. How to get into the mountain and confirm with the Colonel that she could take her leave away from home? How to hand Janet the letter without having to answer any difficult questions? How to get out of the mountain without being stopped by anyone?

Now, with five hours of freedom and miles of sun-baked tarmac behind and front of her, she finds herself thinking about *what* she's done. Almost as if she'd been drunk and she's only now sobering up, images and flashes of memories come to her. She remembers the pale morning light glancing off her bike as she left the house. She remembers the Colonel's wry grin as he tried to ignore her leathers and her frustration at his excessive questions. She remembers looking down at her hand and seeing how it made the envelope quiver as she waited for the elevator to reach the right level. These thoughts come to her like dreams and the overwhelming feeling accompanying them is one of exhilaration and terror. She was crazy and it was stupid.

***

She knows that it's stupid and she's crazy but she just can't bring herself to destroy the letter. She's read and re-read it so many times, she could probably recite it by heart. To keep it means to put both of their careers in jeopardy but to throw it away would give her an easy way out; a way for her to just pretend that the memory of Sam giving her the letter and the thrill of reading it in her office are just another fantasy.

As it is, she keeps the letter in its envelope carefully folded into thirds in the back pocket of her skirt. Every time she moves she feels the texture of paper and it sends mental shivers through her mind.

She never would have thought that a tiny stolen moment would have an outcome like this. Her feelings for Sam were just a little infatuation that would pass... eventually. She didn't imagine that anything could actually happen. She never dreamed that it would be a two-way thing.

Throughout the day, she finds herself brushing her hand past the letter almost as if she can read it by touch. At lunch, a romantic daydream is interrupted when she accidentally collides with Teal'c and she can't help blushing. She's sure everyone must see something different about her.

The route home and the evening chores seem new and different. Cassie makes a comment but Janet just smiles and tells the teenager that she's just had a good day in the office. With the television still blaring out MTV, she reminds her daughter it's a school night and she heads to bed. She's tired and she falls asleep quickly as the day catches up on her.

***

Eventually, as evening and the weariness of her body catch up with her, she has to pull over at a roadside motel-diner. She gets a room and grabs some food. It's less than 40 hours until she has to go back to the base and back to the consequences of her actions. In the meantime, the drab anonymity of the motel room gives her time for relatively calm and objective thought.

The idea of facing Janet and reiterating her thoughts to her face seems easier now that there's distance and time separating her from what she's done. As she collapses onto the bed, the dusk sun breaks through the cigarette-stained netting. Her leathers remain half on, pooled around her waist and her booted feet hang off the edge.

Slowly, the adrenaline of the ride defuses and now, with the decision made and the action taken, a calm surrounds and infuses her. She realizes that she doesn't regret it. She has no idea what Janet will do but she knows that there's no way back now. Oddly, despite the bold act, her thoughts are only now beginning to clear.

Slowly, as the red of the sunset is replaced by the red of the neon lights outside, she dozes. When she wakes in the middle of the night, she finds she has mild back-ache and a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth which stays fixed on her face even as she undresses and climbs under the covers.

***

Janet finds she can't hide the grin she wears from the moment she gets up right until the moment mid-morning when without warning, SG-6 comes back through the gate from a supposedly routine mission. One team member dead and left behind and two more are in a critical condition. In an instant all personal thoughts clear from her mind and she is the CMO of the SGC, nothing more.

It's late in the afternoon when, alone in the dead of her office, Janet locks her door and takes a moment to cry.

She couldn't save Captain Tiller. Instead, the body of a small, Western Ohio girl lies cold and silent in the mortuary. Just another report to fill in and letter for the General to write. Major Reed is still in critical condition and Colonel Gettery had to be given a mild sedative to get him to sleep. She finds herself pulling out the letter from Sam. She doesn't even take it out of the envelope; it's become a symbol, a talisman for what they could have. Oddly, instead of scaring her into backing off, it makes her even more sure that things have already moved too far to turn back and she needs to do this. It's now less than a day until she can see her.

***

With less than a day left to get back to Colorado Springs, Sam has turned around and is heading north. This morning she started early hoping to use the minor roads to cover the enormous distance back to the mountain. Now she's less than three hours' ride from one of her favorite motels in Colorado. She finds more time to admire the views and just relax. She's comfortable with herself today.

The idea of returning brings her a renewed sense of hope and she knows now why she had to take the time out. If she'd not sent the letter at all, she would have never forgiven herself for just hiding it away. If she'd sent the letter and stayed she would have ended up trying to deny it, probably breaking the friendship irretrievably. Instead, she made the right decision, even if it seemed wrong at the time. Excitement fills her and she knows she won't sleep tonight.

***

Despite the almost-order from the General to go home, she knows she won't sleep tonight. She may as well stay on base and keep an eye on things. Exhausted and drained, she calls Cassie. As usual, her daughter is supportive and understanding. A friend wanted her to stay over tonight anyway. Roles are briefly reversed as the younger woman tells the older to take care of herself and get an early night.

Wanting to take the advice, Janet puts the phone down. It's only 1800 hours and already she knows she could sleep all night. Her eyelids begin to droop and she drops her head into her hands. As if on cue, a nurse calls her from the infirmary.

She steels herself and as she strides out, she glances at the clock.

***

The clock in the bar reads ten to eight and Sam is tired but happy. An early start that morning means there'll only be a 40 minute ride to get her into the mountain for tomorrow morning's briefing. Her mind is clear and strong and she feels more like her usual decisive self. She orders a beer and starts to make some plans. As she takes her first draft of the amber liquid she gathers her thoughts and makes a decision.

***

It's 2000 hours before Janet can finally sit down and gather her thoughts. Her mind races with the events and consequences of the day. All she wants to do now is sleep. The phone rings.

"Fraiser."

***

Shit. A brief moment of indecision comes and goes.

"Janet? I... I need to see you... tonight."

~FINIS~

(go on to Momento En El Tiempo)

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