Fly on the Wall by Sesa Woruban
Author's Notes: Yes, I know, '100 days' fics have been done to death. This started as an attempt to explain in my own mind how *that* line in 'Shades of Gray' fits with the S/J dynamic at this point in the show. It sorta achieves that, but it's probably a happier fic for not managing it the way I was expecting. As always, feedback would be loved and, for the record, I love positive thoughts *and* constructive criticism. Thank you to Michelle for beta-ing and thank you to many other people for directing me towards a creative oasis in my work-induced desert of apathy.
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An observant fly on the wall might have watched Major Carter as she sat in her silent, clean and ordered office and noticed how her feelings were at odds with her environment.
But flies, as we know, aren't that clever.
Instead, Sam Carter was the only soul in the room. She sat quietly, still, as the thoughts inside her head flip-flopped on a huge metaphysical see-saw between determination and distraction; the imaginary metallic frame of the playground ride jolted her thoughts at the top and bottom of each position. One moment she found herself ready and determined to go and say something... anything to the Colonel, to let him know how she'd felt when he dismissed her on the planet. Maybe to let him know what she thought she might have felt even before that. The next moment, she found herself coming up with a million reasons and objections as to why she should just sit there and stew and just ignore it all.
She'd never had much patience for ditherers. The way she saw it, you had the facts and you made your choices. If the facts weren't there, you went and got them and then made the decision. Only this time she knew that the facts weren't the issue; there weren't any facts to find.
Colonel O'Neill had just got back from a 3 month forced exile. He'd been with people he hadn't known and had chosen to make a connection. She'd just woken up from a similar exile although hers was self-imposed and she'd broken any connections she'd previously had. Why? As much as she pretended to herself and to others (did Janet know her better than she knew herself?) it wasn't purely to get a fellow team member home. It was to get *him*, to get him back.
So, there were facts. But what could she do with them? Get off the ride, step out of playpen and go and say something?
Or sit here, safe in her little place for children and try to ignore it.
~~~
"Colonel!"
She ran to catch up with him as she spotted him strolling away from her down the corridor.
He turned towards her, swiveling on firmly placed feet. He'd changed into standard issue BDUs but the tan and the obviously recently shaved face belied the life he'd been living for the last quarter of a year. A brief distant look was replaced by a broad grin. "Hey Carter. I'm just off to pat the General on the back for another job well done."
She couldn't help her face from scrunching a little at the wording. What the hell did he think she'd been doing for the last 100 days? Unfortunately, or maybe not, he seemed to notice it. He attempted to remain offhand.
"And I hear you've been the brains behind his brawn. Great job."
She realized that she was searching his face for something else and hurriedly looked over his left shoulder as he continued a little quieter.
"And, look, thanks... Really. Thank You. I really thought that there was no way I was going to get home. Guess that was pretty stupid seeing as you were here, huh?"
Daring to look straight into his face again.
"Hey, that's okay, Colonel. Never leave a man behind, right?" And before either of them had a chance to say anything else, she turned and left.
~~~
That conversation probably would have been the end of it if he hadn't found her asleep, again, at her desk a few hours later.
And the next conversation probably wouldn't have started if she hadn't been dreaming she'd been stuck on Edora with him rather than back on Earth.
Her first sensation was of a hand gently placed on the back of her neck and a voice in her ear. Despite the fact it was some pithy comment about sleeping on the job again, she mixed the sound into her dream and stretched into his hand like a cat and sighed. Even once fully awake, she couldn't think fast enough around it to explain. Instead, she just looked away and hoped he'd ignore it.
He didn't.
"I'm sorry I woke you, your dream looked... and felt" - my god, did he just say that? - "like a good one."
Still speechless, she let him continue.
"Look, Hammond told me what you did... you gave... to get me back. Thank you. Again."
"Never leave a-", she stopped. Damn, she'd used that one already. She found herself referring back to him to talk, she didn't seem to be any good at it at the moment.
"Yeah, um, whatever. Look..." - shit, here it was - how did she know this was coming? - "I... I missed you."
"I missed you too." There it was out, that wasn't too bad, right?
"I'm sorta glad you were here rather than there though - here figuring it all out."
She blushed slightly remembering the dream he'd woken her from. She was relieved he didn't see it as he turned and started pacing to and from the door staring at his boots. It appeared he needed to pretend he was talking to them rather than her as he continued.
"You always find a solution. From the first time we met, I could see... You're not a quitter... I think maybe that's rubbed off on me a little, at least, I... Still, I think I've... since we've been working together."
He stopped and looked at her and took a deep breath. "I'm just saying, it's good to have you on the team and, well, as... someone I know... Thanks."
And with that, he left.
A perceptive fly on the wall might have seen how they tended to end conversations abruptly just as they were getting somewhere. His intelligent pal may have filled in the missing words and seen a deeper confession and the start of something.
But flies, as we know, aren't that smart.
~FINIS~
